Voices

Solitude is a great thing - When you want it. It's even better when you need it. You feel peaceful and your mind is happy being your best friend. But what if you don't need it and it's all you have? That's when being alone translates to being lonely. And that's when your mind becomes your worst enemy. You know what happens when your mind turns against you. You lose it. Voices inside your head come alive and say things you don't want to hear. You know you can control it but you are not able to. There are names for those voices - depression, anxiety, mania, delusions, hallucinations and lots of others you don't know exist. Those names don't matter to you. What they mean don't matter to you. Why they came don't matter to you. All that matters is that they are there and you want to get rid of them. But how?
They are inside you. They become you. You become the voices. You listen, you heed. But you want them out too.
You tell someone about this - your partner, your mother, your friend, a random stranger at a bar. They say it's nothing. It's a phase. It will pass. They say you need exercise, you need to eat well, you need to be around people because it's all in your head. Like you don't know it! Ofcourse it's in your head, you told them that in the first place!
You retract. You crawl back into your cocoon. You are now so used to being lonely that you don't want company anymore. When was the last time you had a hearty meal? A hearty laugh? You don't remember. And now you don't care. It doesn't matter. The voices say it doesn't matter. You heed to them for days, months. You stop eating, you don't leave the house. It's just you and them.
They tell you about a better world. About laughter, sunshine and meadows in that world. They say they won't bother you in that world. You want to go there. You need to go there. The voices tell you how. It's painful but worth it they say. You don't tell anyone. No one cares. You decide it's time to go.
It's time to go. You want to but you don’t. You hold on with all the strength you have ,you grasp at every single thread you find and you pull yourself up , to find escape. No, to find freedom. You find therapy.
Therapy understands you. It listens. Just listens. For a long time. You seek solace and peace. Therapy gives you that. The voices disappear. You heal. You heal from within.

                   My3.

P.S If you are going through any trouble with your thoughts, voice it out. Don't let the voices inside drown you. Don't let anybody tell you it's in your head. Seek therapy and heal.